


Forever is a State of Mind

by datura_damiana



Category: Pandora Hearts, 刀剣乱舞 | Touken Ranbu
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 06:54:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8739121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/datura_damiana/pseuds/datura_damiana
Summary: “Hey, I'm a Child of Misfortune,” he says. His tone is casual, but he hasn't turned back to face Yasusada yet. He can feel those bright blue eyes burning into him, and it hurts more than Raven's fire. “We don't get that kind of luck, you know?”





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Pandora Hearts AU, written for a friend's birthday. Kashuu is a Child of Misfortune, and Yamato is the current Glen. I strongly recommend the manga, but I'll do my best to explain a little for the unfamiliar! Please note that this fic references chapters 68 and 69, so again, there are SPOILERS.
> 
> Because of that, definitions of terms are included at the end of the fic! I'd like to think it's easy enough to understand if you haven't read PH, but some familiarity with the canon would probably help.

_I heard a funny story, once._

_You could say it was a quaint little fairy tale._

_There was a girl with blood-red eyes..._

_How did it go?_

“Yasusada.”

“Mmph.”

“Ya~su~sa~da.”

“Mmph.”

“ _Yasusada—_ ”

Getting Yasusada out of bed has always been a struggle. Everyone else in the household has long since given up on him; it's impressive that Kashuu ever manages it at all. But Yasusada is putting up even more of a fight than usual today. Tugging on the blankets didn't work. Yanking his pillow out from beneath his head didn't work. Even saying his name in _that_ tone isn't working, which is rare. Seems like it's going to take some drastic measures.

(Really, Kashuu thinks, he shouldn't be surprised. It's a big day for them, and no matter what Yasusada says, Kashuu knows neither of them are truly ready.

They only have each other, after all. And now that's being taken from them, too. Who could be prepared for that?)

“Yasusada, if you don't get up _right now_ I'm gonna go to the Core and tell that guy you're being lazy—”

“Nn? Kashuu?”

Little by little, Yasusada's head emerges from beneath his blanket, his mop of hair even poofier than usual. He blinks sleepily, looking young and cute without even trying. Kashuu hates him. (Just a little bit.) “Is it morning already?”

“It's been morning for hours! You're so hopeless.” With a huff, Kashuu yanks the blanket away, folding it up before Yasusada can protest. “Are you gonna sleep the rest of your life away or what?”

“I don't want to hear that from you, of all people,” Yasusada mutters, but he scoots off the bed and hobbles over to the tea table. It's still warm, but only because Kashuu knows better than to bring it at a reasonable time. Once he's settled into a chair with his cup, he turns his gaze back to Kashuu—already alert, his blue eyes almost unnaturally bright. “You were running around in the Abyss last night, weren't you.”

“So what if I was?” Kashuu sniffs, dropping down to sit on Yasusada's bed. He isn't dressed for the ceremony yet, but his hair and makeup are perfect, as always. Even Yasusada— _especially_ Yasusada—can't see him as anything less.

“You know it's dangerous in there, Kiyomitsu. I don't like it when you go without telling me.”

“Are you gonna spend our last day together lecturing me?” Kashuu counters, quirking an eyebrow. It's unfair to bring that up so soon, but even as Yasusada's expression clouds over, Kashuu doesn't feel that bad about it. He can't. It's only the truth. “If you are, then you'd better help me change while you do it, because I have to look—”

“I know, I know. Perfect.” Yasusada rolls his eyes, but Kashuu doesn't miss his little smile as he brings the cup back to his lips. “Everybody's going to be looking at you, you know... are you happy?”

“Don't ask stupid questions.”

Of course he's not happy. How could he be happy about oblivion?

Yasusada doesn't apologize, nor does he take it back. He simply looks at Kashuu, quiet and thoughtful—but Kashuu can't bear to meet that piercing gaze. So instead, he does what he does best, and launches himself into distraction. Grabbing a brush, he stalks over, settling himself behind Yasusada with a sigh.

“How can you be such a mess?” he grumbles. Even so, his hands are gentle, taming Yasusada's fluffy mane with practiced ease. “What do you even _do_ all night? It's like you dream about sparring and then act it out with your pillows or something.”

“Hm? No, I don't do anything like that.” Oblivious, Yasusada tilts his head back. “I usually dream about you.”

Kashuu stills, his facade of mild annoyance slipping just a little. For a moment, it's tensely silent, both of them locked in mutual sorrow—the gap between them is growing wider by the minute, and Kashuu knows they have precious little time before they're torn apart completely.

But like always, he recovers quickly. He shakes his head, forcing Yasuada's back down and taking up the brush once again.

“Ugh, you're so embarrassing. And stay still!”

“Right, I'm sorry. I forget you like to pet my hair.”

“Shut _up_.”

Blessedly, Yasusada does. He sips his tea quietly as Kashuu runs the brush through his hair, and Kashuu doesn't need to see his face to know what he's thinking about. Even in the past, his thoughts revolved around his two closest people; on a day like today, it's unfathomable that he'd be thinking about anything else.

Sure enough, once Kashuu is finished with his hair, Yasusada begins fiddling with his empty teacup.

“Kashuu...?”

Kashuu doesn't say anything. He simply gets up, putting the brush back where he got it from. But his body language is open, more or less, and Yasusada knows perfectly well how to read him.

“In the Abyss... do you really talk to him?”

Of course.

They've been over this for years, ever since _that_ day. The day they'd learned just what it meant, to have their lives so intertwined. The day they'd seen their future with their own eyes—their desolate, lonely, horrible future. Kashuu had chosen to face fate head-on, charging forward and pretending to live each day to the fullest, for Yasusada's sake. But Yasusada never had moved on. Kashuu knows he's never gone a day without thinking about Souji, missing him, longing for the presence of his predecessor. Kashuu hates it. He hates that he _gets_ it.

He hates that maybe, in his own way, though he'd never admit it... he misses Souji too.

But the past is the past, and there's no sense in longing for the bright days of ignorance. It's far too late for that.

“Hey, I'm a Child of Misfortune,” he says. His tone is casual, but he hasn't turned back to face Yasusada yet. He can feel those bright blue eyes burning into him, and it hurts more than Raven's fire. “We don't get that kind of luck, you know?”

He's never told Yasusada about the hours, days, months he'd spent, searching every corner of the Abyss for a scrap of Souji's presence. He's never told him that there was nothing of Souji left to be found. He hasn't said it, because he doesn't want to; it's a cold, terrifying thought, and it's about to become their reality. Again.

“...I'm going to miss you.”

Kashuu almost doesn't hear him, Yasusada speaks so softly. He feels a hand at his back, and he jumps a little, but then Yasusada's arms are winding around him, and the back of his shirt grows damp.

“I don't want...”

He doesn't finish, but he doesn't have to. Kashuu gets it. He sighs softly, but he lifts his hands to stroke Yasusada's, the way he used to when they were children buried under the weight of their nightmares.

“Hey, hey, none of that. It's the big day, isn't it? You're gonna have puffy eyes.”

His words don't match the hollowness of his tone, and he makes no move to pull away. He doesn't want this either; he never wanted any of it. That's what he'd like to believe, anyway.

Why, why, _why_ did Souji have to give them a home?

They stay like that for minutes or hours, Kashuu isn't quite sure. But eventually, the sounds of a rising household break their illusion of peace. Any minute now, someone will come to fetch them, to get them ready for the ceremony. To separate them.

Well. They'd better get used to that, right?

“I'll come visit you every day.”

“I know.”

“I'll bring the prettiest flowers I can find.”

“I know.”

“...I mean it. Every day.”

“...I know.”

A knock at the door. A gentle voice.

It's time.

The preparations go by in a blur. Kashuu normally delights in his morning routine, in taking the time to transform himself into something beautiful, something worthy of affection. But not today. Today, he's quiet and pliant as a doll. He simply allows the servants to dress him in his elegant robes, draping layers of crimson and gold over him until he shines. He doesn't speak at all as they weave gold into his hair, as they paint his lips red. It's only when they bring him his earrings—the only pair he's ever worn—that he speaks up.

“I'll do that.”

“Of course, Kiyomitsu-sama.”

Their tones are polite and demure, as always. Kashuu doesn't miss the pitying glances they shoot him as they leave, but for once, he doesn't care.

Leaning forward, he puts one earring in with expert precision, a movement he's done a thousand times. But the other earring doesn't follow. Instead, he tucks it into the front of his robe, and reaches up to adjust the pins in his hair. If he styles it just so, no one will notice.

They won't really be looking at him, after all. Not this time.

When Yasusada steps into the chamber, Kashuu's breath actually catches.

He's seen the outfit before, of course—he'd been consulted on the fabrics and shades. But a mannequin could hardly prepare him for the way it looks on Yasusada. A soft, light blue fading into rich indigo, stylized clouds winding down into diamond stars, he _is_ the very sky itself. His hair has been adorned with sapphires, tiny, glinting jewels only visible when they catch the light. Kashuu's relieved to see he isn't wearing any earrings, but his throat closes up in nervousness anyway; it won't match. It'll stand out. Yasusada won't want it.

But then Yasusada's eyes find him, and his face melts into a smile. The gold is warm in Kashuu's palm, and he smiles back.

It hurts.

“Hey, you didn't throw a tantrum after all.”

This is no time to be teasing, like it's just another ordinary day. That's exactly why he does it. He needs the illusion of normalcy just as much as Yasusada does, if not more.

“Isn't that my line?” Yasusada replies, but he laughs quietly, pressing close to Kashuu's side. No one will judge them for it today. “You look beautiful, but you already know that.”

Normally, those words would send a little thrill of happiness through him. Today, they simply sting.

“Of course,” he replies, and he'd flick Yasusada in the forehead if his hands were free. But he's too distracted, too busy fiddling with the earring hidden by his long sleeves. “You look pretty too. I brought you something, but it's the wrong shade, so...”

“Kiyomitsu.” Yasusada hasn't quite mastered the _look_ , but he gives it his best shot anyway. “Now isn't the time to be worrying about something like that... please. Whatever you have for me, I want it. I'll keep it forever.”

He won't. But Kashuu doesn't need to tell him that.

“Alright, alright. Hold still.” Shifting, Kashuu carefully brushes Yasusada's hair away from his ear, fastening the earring in as gently as he can. He tries to cover it back up, but Yasusada bats his hands away, reaching up to feel his new accessory. It's obvious by the shape, just what it is. What it means for them. And though he smiles, there's a sorrow in his eyes, deeper than the coldest oceans.

“Kiyomitsu...”

“Yasusada, I—”

He... what? What is there left to say? “I love you”? “I'll miss you”? “Please, please don't leave me all alone, I don't know what I'll do without you”? All true, none of them enough to convey what he wants to say.

And then bells chime, and it's too late.

“Come on, Kiyomitsu. It's time.”

Gently, Yasusada takes his hands, guiding him to the center of the room. Of course it would be _this_ that he faces with peace and dignity. Why couldn't he choose this moment to cling to the past? Surely they could run, they could escape into the Abyss, they—

Yasusada is kneeling. Kashuu can't speak. He feels sick.

“Kiyomitsu... it's okay. You'll be fine.” And oh, how he hates the peaceful look on Yasusada's face right now, the way he looks positively serene. The gold of Kashuu's earring gleams in the sunlight, and it's all Kashuu can do not to grab Yasusada and run.

But then Yasusada is taking his hand, and guiding it to his own forehead. The Chains are stirring inside of Yasusada, ready for his word. Ready to be sent back to the Abyss, along with their master.

This is not their decision. They have no choice.

“...Yamato no Kami Yasusada...”

_I heard a funny story, once._

“With the chains of conviction...”

_About a girl with blood-red eyes._

“...I pass judgment upon you.”

_They cast her down, down, down, far away._

Kashuu can't look away from Yasusada's eyes. His throat is tight, burning, and there's no way he sounds beautiful right now. But he doesn't care. He'd be an ugly, croaking monster for the rest of his life if they didn't have to do this.

_Just because she had red eyes._

“Your sin...”

_Isn't that funny?_

“...is that of being the keeper of the Black-Winged Chains...”

_What kind of a world would do that?_

“...which threaten the peace and balance of this world and the Abyss.”

The Children of Misfortune are distortions. They can go places others cannot. They can sense beings, Chains or otherwise, that no one else can. And one child, in one ceremony, on one day, can tap into the power of someone else's Chains.

One person. Five Chains.

A danger to them all, so they say.

Kashuu has never believed it. Even now, feeling the power of the Chains surging through the both of them, he doesn't believe it. The room is a whirlwind of black feathers and abyssal chains, cracking marble and shattering glass. This kind of power could do anything, he knows. It's dangerous.

But all he sees is Yasusada.

“Goodbye, Kiyomitsu... I love you. Remember your promise, okay?”

He should say goodbye. He should say—something, anything. He should stop crying—

—and then Yasusada is gone.

The sudden quiet is deafening. The servants hover in the shadows, tense and worried, as feathers rain down around them. The chains are gone, but the damage they've done will take a long time to repair. If Kashuu doesn't order them to leave it as is.

He's never been as good at letting go of the past as he'd like, after all.

“...Every day.”

It's a whisper, and it comes too late. It's pointless, to boot. At this very moment, Yasusada's body and soul are being destroyed, eaten away by the dark Core.

But a promise is a promise.

And Kashuu doesn't make promises he won't keep.

**Author's Note:**

> Some of these things have been changed for the sake of the fic (to make it more tragic, you're welcome and happy birthday friend) but these are the definitions in terms of Pandora Hearts canon!
> 
> "Children of Misfortune" are people born with red eyes, and the name is pretty self-explanatory; they're considered to bring misfortune to those around them. Traditionally, they are connected to and cast into the Core of the Abyss by Glen Baskerville for being "abominations" who are able to enter the Abyss when they shouldn't be able to. 
> 
> "Glen" is the head of the Baskerville household, the master of the Five Black-winged Chains, the strongest of all Chains. Baskervilles are not related by blood, but are instead all chosen by the Abyss and live with and serve Glen Baskerville. It is the responsibility of the current Glen to maintain the order of the Abyss, and as the Children of Misfortune supposedly disrupt that, they are expected to cast them back into the Abyss. 
> 
> "Chains" are creatures created in the Abyss. People can form contracts with Chains in order to use their power (sometimes with consequences). 
> 
> "The Abyss" is pretty much exactly what it sounds like, but basically it's an alternate dimension where Chains are born, that (usually) only Glen Baskerville, Children of Misfortune, and people who've been cast down into it are able to go. The "Core" is the deepest part of the Abyss, where the people cast down get sent in order to be destroyed.
> 
> (Also, yes I am aware that I used first names for everyone except Kashuu in the narrative. IT'S JUST TOO WEIRD TO WRITE "KIYOMITSU" THE WHOLE TIME OKAY FORGIVE ME what even are sword names anyway)


End file.
